Jealousy

Jealousy

Fears

  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of loss
  • Fear of someone taking what they believe is theirs
  • Fear of being out of control
  • Fear of trusting others
  • Fear of being unloved
  • Fear of betrayal
  • Fear of the unexpected
  • Fear of the unknown
  • Fear of change
  • Fear of not being good enough
  • Fear of being unwanted
  • Fear of being replaced by someone else
  • Fear of someone being better
  • Fear of someone else’s success
  • Fear of others luck
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of being seen as a failure
  • Fear of being outcast
  • Fear of being outside the circle
  • Fear of not being perfect

Emotional States

  • Long term place of honor has been lost to another person.  No longer were they prized by their parents, friends, boss, or extended family.  They have lost the adoration of their identity to another.  The love and acceptance that had been theirs has been taken.  A deep sense of injustice.
  • Harsh injustice brought them to a place of not wanting to understand or change.  They held on tightly to what was, which was followed by a deep depression – feelings of rejection and being unloved.
  • Welcomed by all they were then cast aside in favor of another that was new and had attributes that pleased those around them.
  • Control keeps them feeling loved and safe.  When the lack of control is threatened they panic and grab onto what has kept them safe.
  • Reduced exposure to others keeps them from feeling threatened and their position challenged.  If they isolate, put up walls around the object of love and acceptance, they protect and keep it from being taken. Wanting to keep others away from what belongs to them.  Holds someone/something out to be the source of their happiness.
  • They project a futurescape on their relationship(s) to keep their fear from happening.  This is a form of worrying to keep bad things from happening.  They fear the unknown and change.  The bad things are a very dangerous possibility in their mind.
  • Early in life compared to another to be acceptable and receive love.  
  • Epigenetic influence of the fear of failure based on their ancestry.  Tied to ancestral desires and ambition that drove the person to their grave.  Literally.  This unrequited ambition to be a success was all-encompassing and was the entire focus of their being.  This ambition was based on a fear that their condition in life would revert back to a form of indentured servitude/slavery.  
  • Early in life trauma of being derided for errors.  Their fear is greater than their integrity and moral compass.  The other person’s failure is their success.
  • Lost opportunities created a view that the world was out to get them (victim) and that they deserved to have better – the world was unfair to them.
  • Doesn’t know what else to do other than feel a sense of panic.  They have no control over past events in someone’s life.  The only thing they can do is work to destroy the past by making it seem less than.  They want/need to control the other person’s entirety.  They want their very life to be because of them.  Everything they are now and everything they have is because of them. The fact that there is a time before threatens their need to make them totally dependent.   The fact that there was a time before makes them more than their definition or creation.  If the focus of their control accomplishes something they will minimize the achievement or take credit for it. They are grossly insecure about their own identity.  They look to another to define them.  They define themselves by what they have given and what they have done in the relationship.  Anything outside of that is a threat to their security.  They feel unsafe and threatened.
  • There is a blurring of time.  The past is very much a part of their present.  They cannot differentiate the separation in their lives of before and after.  As a child and adult child, the past mistakes were thrown in their face as a reminder of their flaws and failures.  This created a lack of trust and openness in their relationships.  Attention was always being focused on their shortfalls.  That lack of trust feels like an attack.  They are on constant alert to keep from being blindsided by a possible reason to not trust someone.  They will manipulate information to create distrust.  Distrust is a place of safety.  The distrust is how they interpret loving relationships.  The lack of trust would look at a prior relationship and say “how do I compare”.  That thought creates more insecurity and more distrust.  In their mind, they have to be better.  They are comparing themselves to the phantom past — to a memory.
  • Love was withheld unless they excelled.
  • Fear of loss creates the need to be on alert for the potential experience of loss or rejection.  There is a need to be prepared for the unknown known.  This gives a feeling of control.  

Cross Index: Bi-Polar, ACOA, PTSD, Complex PTSD , Borderline Personality Disorder

Created Patterns

  1. I must be perfect to be loved.
  2. I must stop others from making progress.
  3. I must get my needs met before others.
  4. I must be like others to be accepted.
  5. I need to be the focus to feel wanted.
  6. When others fail I succeed.
  7. I must be better than others.
  8. I must not let others have more than me.
  9. I am not good enough.
  10. I am alone.
  11. My siblings get more love than me.
  12. My siblings get better stuff than me.
  13. My parents love my siblings more than me.
  14. I must put down others to be safe.
  15. Others don’t succeed unless I help them.
  16. I can’t let others be better than me and feel good.
  17. I must point out how others are wrong so they will appreciate me.
  18. I must point out how others are wrong so they will see I am better.
  19. I can’t let others succeed.  This will make me look bad.
  20. I must find the mistakes others make so I look good.
  21. People who have more than me are just lucky.
  22. I feel good when others fail.
  23. I must point out when people are going to fail.
  24. I must diminish others to feel good about myself.
  25. I must prove to my parents that I am better than my siblings.
  26. I must prove to my friends that they can’t do without me.
  27. I must prove I am better than my significant other’s ex-partners.
  28. I feel threatened by my significant other’s ex-partners.
  29. When my significant other with another I feel threatened.
  30. I must create a place for myself in the lives of others.
  31. I can’t trust others to not leave me.
  32. I give empty compliments to cover over my true feelings.
  33. I can’t trust others to not betray me.
  34. Even when people succeed I can see where they have made mistakes.
  35. I must leave people that have succeeded.
  36. I must prove I am better than others.
  37. I can’t share praise with others.
  38. I must protect myself at the expense of others.
  39. I must look important by telling stories about others.
  40. I can’t trust others to do the job right.
  41. People that love me leave me. 
  42. I must put others down to be better.
  43. I must prove my worth by finding mistakes.
  44. I can’t take advice, it makes me look stupid.
  45. People who think they are better don’t deserve me.
  46. I must point out the faults of others to be safe.
  47. Others are not really better, they just have luck.
  48. I must sabotage others to be safe.
  49. I hurt others to be safe.
  50. I am afraid of failing.
  51. I hurt others to prove I am better.
  52. My friends abandon me.
  53. My friends can’t have other friends.
COVID 19 Virus

COVID 19 Virus

Emotional States

  • Lost the sense of what is life-sustaining.  Lost the joy of life. Lost the connection with mother nature.  Lost the sense of those things we call small but nurture us at the deepest levels – the smell of a rose, the smell and taste of a carrot just out of the ground.
  • There is a fire – inflammation – a sense that technology has taken control of our personal autonomy.  There’s a realization that we are surveyed, observed, tracked, facially recognized, and manipulated. We exist as fodder for technology.  We now serve technology. Technology no longer makes our lives better. A sense that we now live for the sake of the technology state. The human body has been weakened by technology.  We have become the prey of technology. Instead of technology empowering our lives and serving humanity, technology now controls and manipulates, the human. We, humans, are now the harvest. The human now serves technology.  The dystopian future of the movies has arrived. The human body is stressed. It has reached the breaking point of life in technology. We are at a bifurcation with technology; those that have adapted to the rapid changes and those that have not.  Technology stresses the human. It demands a certain behavior that is not its core nature. You will either adapt or not survive the transformation. It is a life out of balance.
  • Our bodies overreact to the viral invasion and when we overreact we die. Overreaction is the energy of boundaries that are the result of wounding. The source can be PTSD, growing up in an environment of abuse (physical, spiritual, or emotional), addiction, alcohol, misogyny (this is a non-gender specific wound), ancestral wounding, violence, a wounded creative core, smoking (this is abuse), etc.   In this case, the violation of boundaries is the dystopian greed that has spread across the planet. We have allowed this dystopian greed to grow. We did not stand up to it when we knew it was growing in the darkness like a rot that would undermine our lives.
  • The fires of being forced to conform and comply are burning through the whole of humanity.  We have had centuries of one group trying to control, enslave another group. The collective anger has built.  The desperation felt by one human set in motion a million fires of destruction, the butterfly effect. This was the tipping point.  Fear now encircles the earth. There is a fire of anger from the hopelessness being felt and the fire of anger from the subjugation of the creative core.  This is a collective consciousness. That anger is being manipulated into fear by the dystopian greed that would change nothing.
  • There is a hanging on (attachment) and collection of the debris of our lives (the stuff of our lives that is gathering dust that we won’t part with). There is a rigid sense of life. Life has become regimented and dictated. The dictates tell you what you can and can’t do. The dictates tell you what you can enjoy and what you are not allowed. There is a denial of the wildness of human nature. That wildness is the connection with Mother Earth. The breath that powers your expression has been constrained, frozen and held. The freezing is caused by long periods of holding your responsiveness to life…real living. A need to not react to hold one’s breath, so to speak, to hold one’s tongue in the face of institutional subjugation.
  • Globally COVID 19 is about the fire of anger.  The fire of injustice. The fire of environmental destruction.  The fire of the destruction of our mother. The fire of subjugation to the greed of a few.  We have seen this fire as the planet burns. The greed of those that would withhold life-sustaining technologies from the planet.  The greed of those that have bought our representatives…to destroy. The greed is a greed born of anger. Those that are destroying are destroying because they have been destroyed within.  They were left with nothing of themselves. They became the altered ego for someone else. Their creative core was blackened by the trauma of others. They are the living dead. They have a body but no connection to the heart-soul wisdom.  Greed and the false power it brings is the animating force of their lives. Everyone who has not pushed back at the destruction of greed has been a part of this dystopian greed. For example, if you voted to re-elected a senator who was overtly supporting the coal industry you have been complicit in the greed.  When you make choices that are not good for the earth you are complicit.
  • There is an unknowing and fear of being at ease.  Harsh sense of reality brings disturbing visions of what is around them.  There is a fear that nothing will ever be the same or comfortable again.  Deeply angry at what they feel has been a betrayal where they were the unwitting participant in the ruse to support the global greed.
  • Abandonment by those in authority.  There was a belief that those in authority would help them and take care of them when they needed its support.  The wounded creative core contract has been violated. There is a deep sense of powerlessness to take responsibility and get what is needed.
  • Inflammation that results from not being able to let go of the struggle.  Must constantly keep within the sense that all power has been taken.
  • Worth is not derived from within but only from what is given you.
  • Not allowed to think without being punished.  Not allowed to be curious without punishment.
  • Life is restricted to what you have been allowed by those in authority.  Feels disposable.  

Cross Index: Virus, asthma, fatigue, cough, throat problems, pneumonia, sepsis, sinus problems, fever, upper respiratory infection, lung problems

Created Patterns

  1. I am lost.
  2. I am not good enough.
  3. I must do what I have to do to belong.
  4. I must go along with what I am told to do.
  5. Fire will kill me.
  6. Fire will destroy me.
  7. Someone will hurt me.
  8. I don’t know what it means to live.
  9. Having joy is wrong.
  10. Being joyous is wrong.
  11. I am not allowed joy.
  12. I am not allowed to be abundant.
  13. I must pay for everything I have.
  14. I am afraid of being seen as stupid.
  15. I am afraid of being bullied.
  16. I must line myself up with the bully to be safe.
  17. I can’t strike back at the bully.
  18. I must do what I am told.
  19. People will take things from me.
  20. I am overwhelmed.
  21. I can’t handle too much at one time.
  22. I can never have peace.
  23. I can’t do what I want.
  24. I don’t know how to react.
  25. I will die if I don’t do what I am told.
  26. Technology will hurt me.
  27. I will be abandoned.
  28. I am a failure.
  29. I am invisible.
  30. If I breathe I will be hurt.
  31. I will be seen if I breathe.
  32. I must never be me.
  33. I must not let them see me.
  34. Nature is to be destroyed so I may have my good life.
  35. The earth is here for me to have what I want.
  36. My heart will never be at peace.
  37. I will never have peace.
  38. We must take and destroy for the common good.
  39. Others are better than me.
  40. I’ve got mine that all that matters.
  41. People need to help themselves.

Fears

  1. Fear of not enough
  2. Fear of fire
  3. Fear of retribution
  4. Fear that someone will take something from you
  5. Fear of not having enough to eat
  6. Fear of starvation
  7. Fear of being homeless
  8. Fear of technology
  9. Fear of being left behind
  10. Fear of being overwhelmed
  11. Fear of dying
  12. Fear of being wrong
  13. Fear of having the wrong reaction
  14. Fear of being found to be stupid
  15. Fear of feeling joy
  16. Fear of having joy
  17. Fear of being found to be joyous
  18. Fear of life
  19. Fear of nature
  20. Fear of being hurt
  21. Fear of abandonment
  22. Fear of disappearing
  23. Fear of failure
  24. Fear of losing everything
  25. Fear of breathing
  26. Fear of not getting what I want
  27. Fear of being relaxed or at ease
  28. Fear of the heart
  29. Fear of the wisdom from the heart
  30. Fear of losing yourself
  31. Fear of their own sense of powerlessness
  32. Fear that all is hopeless
  33. Fear that what joy is allowed will be taken
  34. Fear of their own humanity 
  35. Fear of the whisperings of the soul
  36. Fear of being under attack
  37. Fear of overwhelm
Oxycontin: The Spiritual, Emotional, and Mental Effect

Oxycontin: The Spiritual, Emotional, and Mental Effect

Summary

OxyContin:

  1. facilitates the creation of thought forms that further the addiction.
  2. stops creativity.
  3. creates an identity that supports continuation of the pain and drug use.
  4. creates physical issues that can create secondary issues.
  5. creates a sense of disconnectedness from the body, emotions and thought processes.
  6. creates the lack of desire to nourish the body, the mind and the emotions.
  7. renders a population docile.
  8. creates duality.
  9. creates the lack of mental reasoning.
  10. creates memory issues.
  11. creates isolation.

Introduction:

During the Summer of 2019 I had my right knee replaced.  As part of my pain treatment I was prescribed OxyContin.  After knee replacement surgery there is a push by the health practitioners to get you out of bed and back into your normal life as quickly as possible.  It is my opinion that as long as you are taking OxyContin an attempt at a normal life is more vague and ghostly than real.

In the early part of the knee replacement recovery process you are supposed to take pain medication ahead of the pain.  This meant you were on a schedule of Oxycontin every few hours.  I was taking a very small dosage.  Using the drug interfered with normal sleep but so would the pain so there were few choices.  In the weeks that followed I started to reduce the amount of Oxycontin I was taking.  I stayed on a schedule but cut the pills so I could take an even smaller dosage.  Then I changed the schedule by lengthening the time between the reduced dosage.  Within 6 hours of taking a dose I began to experience withdrawal symptoms; abdominal cramping, muscle cramping, anxiety, and I felt like I had the flu.  The anxiety was intense and sleep was impossible.  This went on for several days.  I then went cold turkey, no more Oxycontin, and after about five days I was finished with the physical withdrawal symptoms but not the haunting affect of the drug. I understood why people would become addicted to OxyContin.  I reached a place where I felt like I would do anything to get relief and that meant going back on the OxyContin.

While I was taking OxyContin I noticed many changes in my body’s functioning, my emotional state, my thinking processes and my subtle energy fields.  Some energy systems became really constricted and others became over activated.  The same was true with the effect on the physical body some parts of the body became over activated and the function of others parts was severely reduced which created other issues.   At times I experienced emotions that were the antithesis of my normal way of being.

OxyContin has the energy of a hungry ghost.  The hungry ghost is a tradition in Buddhist and Taoist cultures.  There are several versions of the hungry ghost lore.  The one I am referencing here is a vengeful spirit that is never full and can never be satisfied.  The energy of OxyContin is never satisfied and it brings suffering.

Subtle Energy Fields

An entity, thought form, is created by the energy of the Oxycontin and the release of dopamine.  The entity thrives on the euphoria of the brain from the dopamine release.  The Oxycontin entity exists for the sole purpose of getting another release of dopamine into the brain.  The body exists for the purpose of providing the means for taking in the Oxycontin.  That euphoria provides a sense of safety.  During the post withdrawal period I was having a difficult time sleeping.  It was 2 a.m. and I had not been able to fall asleep.  As I lay there feeling really frustrated I heard a very clear voice in my head say “Go get one of the little white pills”.  I was startled by the voice and it’s message.  I Remen Q’d the state of non-peace created by the thought form and managed to fall to sleep.  The thought form has not returned.

While I was writing this article there was another “energy of a certain quality” as Master Choa Kok Sui, founder of Pranic Healing,  would put it.  I felt a drag on the writing.  I felt something holding me back from analyzing the impact this drug had had on me.  When I sat with what I was feeling I sensed a gray blanket over my being.  When I questioned its source I understood it to be a relationship to the collective OxyContin addiction.  Again I used Remen Q to transmute the state of non-peace.

During the writing of this article my knee was feeling a bit achy.  I opened a Reiki session.   My hands became very warm and began to quiver with intensity as the energy moved through my hands and into my knee.  During my convalescence I did a periodic Reiki session on my knee.  The effect was minimal.   I was reminded of something Mrs. Takata, the Reiki Master that brought Reiki to the United States, was quoted as having said “You cannot mix your energies”.  At the time she was referring to one of her students who had ordered a glass of wine at dinner.  I am certain that this statement would apply to anything that altered your awareness and the use of Reiki.

Chakra Energy Effects

7th.  OxyContin creates a feeling of euphoria with the release of dopamine in the brain.  This rewires the brain.  This rewiring creates the desire to keep that feeling of euphoria.  This euphoria created a sense of disconnectedness with the world and people thus creating duality.  The euphoric experience alienated me from my body so that I could experience the effects of the drug.  I had no awareness of the connection to the wisdom of the soul through the heart during the use of this drug.  The drug superseded those connections and left me with little motivation other than being in the present euphoria.  Mental reasoning and tasks that required focus were impossible.  My thoughts were more like a bag of wet cement than the usual acuity I was familiar with.

6th.  I experienced an over activation of my intuitive energy centers, the information received through the third eye chakra is different from the heart and crown chakras,  while experiencing the euphoria phase.   I have always instinctively balanced my intuitive centers with day to day living.  I would intentionally activate those centers and access information in a directed and requested manner.  My ability to control the level of activation was being overridden by the affect of the dopamine release.  I would become aware of information that was unnecessary and mental clutter.   The problem with intuitive information received while under the influence of Oxycontin is that it is coming through a filter of Oxycontin and I was not in control of the flow of information.  For example: I would know when someone was hungry or I would be aware that they had not eaten breakfast.  This was not harmful but it was also not helpful.  Going into a public location like a grocery store was overwhelming because of the flood of mundane information.

During this period my memory was very faulty.  I could not remember what I had just eaten during a meal.  It wasn’t just that act of going down the hallway and forgetting where you were going.  I would watch TV with Mike in the evening and in the next second I could not remember what murder and mayhem I had just seen and heard.

5th.  When the dopamine levels reached the euphoria state I would feel the need to talk, the words had a manic quality to them.  I would endlessly talk.  The throat energy center was being over activated by the dopamine release.  The throat center was taking its direction from the thinking mind and the thinking mind had gone into a pleasure seeking ramble.    Reading was an impossible task.  I had no desire to read a book.  I had no desire to watch television.  One evening, while under the influence of Oxycontin, I read the same paragraph at least a dozen times before I gave up reading.  I could not focus on the words in front of me.  I had zero retention.  That was true the entire time I was using OxyContin.

Creative expression was blocked.  I had set out a stack of sewing projects prior to my surgery.  I theorized that I could at least make baby receiving blankets.  I had no desire to get near my sewing machine.  I also paint and that did not happen.

4th.  Feelings are distorted.  My heart did not accurately interpret information to create appropriate responses.  I had a sense that I could not trust or know the heart.  My head took over the concept of trusting.  My feelings were superseded by what my thinking mind was experiencing.

3rd. I quit experiencing joy outside of the effect the Oxycontin gives.  I had no power to create enjoyment. My entire being existed only for the purpose of being there to take the next dose of Oxycontin.  The only joy is what is allowed by the Oxycontin.

There was no desire to interact with others.  During the period of time I was using OxyContin I turned down several invitations from friends to meet for coffee or lunch.  I can remember thinking that leaving the house would mean that my OxyContin schedule would have been disrupted.  That schedule dominated my life.  I manipulated my dosage so that I could do my physical therapy.  That may sound benign enough except I can remember feeling anxious around how soon I could take a dose.  That OxyContin dose was the focus of my thinking hours before the actual appointment.  The OxyContin was creating an identity outside of the actual pain I was experiencing even as I weaned myself off of the drug.

2nd. I experienced a reduction, stopping, of momentum and desire.  There was no desire to create.  There was no desire to get things done.  Creative energies were impaired from flowing.  During this period of time I found it difficult to even write an email.  It wasn’t until I had been off the Oxycontin for two weeks that I was able to write again.  Then the experience was like someone slammed a door open and yelled “I’m home”.

The OxyContin causes a reduction in the flow of nutritional or nourishing energy; the energy of food or the energy of relationship connections that nourish you.  There’s a sense that the only thing you need to nourish you is the OxyContin.

1st.  The mental disconnectedness mentioned above also applied to the body.  While in a state of euphoria it felt as if I was another being outside of me.  This was a state of being ungrounded.  This energetic disconnection created continuous muscle cramping in both of my legs.  The feeling of disconnectedness creates a sense of purposelessness and depression.  There was nothing that I wanted to do except lay on the couch and take my drugs.  I had no appetite and I was losing weight (You need protein to rebuild tissue.  You need a healthy diet to keep your immune system and energy levels at optimum levels.).

Epilogue

Much has been written, especially in the last decade, about the effects of Oxycontin use on communities, families, and how the drug creates addiction.   Addiction to this drug has created long lasting scars to many communities across the United States.  A preponderance of use and overdose deaths in the United States are focused in Rust-Belt communities where there is high unemployment that spans generations.  Opioid addiction is called one of the diseases of despair1.  This population feels hopeless and economically stressed.  The impact of opioid addiction to economically stressed states from 2015 through 2017 shows an almost vertical increase in overdose deaths and addiction2.  An addicted population won’t stand up at political rallies and demand health care.  They won’t demand clean water and air.  They won’t demand better schools.  The population of people addicted to opioids is growing.

I am reminded of Aldous Huxley’s book “Brave New World” where the use of a drug, Soma, would render someone docile who had negative emotions, pain, discontent and the potential for causing trouble.  These people were feed a steady dose of Soma by the government.  These people turned into “slaves” of the state.  Is OxyContin the new world Soma?

Note:  This article was written from the perspective of my experience with Oxycontin on  energy centers, emotions, mental capabilities as well as my physical body.   This does not imply anyone else will have this experience.  During the use of this drug I felt a heightened awareness of the impact this drug had on creating imbalances in my body.

 

  1.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diseases_of_despair
  2. https://www.kff.org/state-category/health-status/opioids/

Additional Information:
https://www.drugabuse.gov/related-topics/trends-statistics/overdose-death-rates

Wounded Creative Core

Wounded Creative Core

What is The Wounded Creative Core? 

We are born with the ability to create and access that inner wisdom of inspiration, our creative core.  Institutions (schools, governments, etc.), cultures and religious dogma create conform and perform structures of behavior.  These structures constrain the creative core through punishment. These punishments are designed to reinforce control over the individual and groups through the use of physical, emotional, mental, financial and spiritual violence.

The institutions put you in a box.  The religious dogma may say that you can’t step outside of their moral box and love who you want without being condemned or worse.  A culture or religion may define your life in terms of your gender. If you are a woman you may be expected to marry at age 16. Yet your heart yearns to become an astrophysicist.  If you listen to your heart’s yearning, creative core, you may lose your family, your freedom and possibly your life. As a woman born in the early 1950’s it was determined that I had a specific set of options for a job; teacher, nurse or secretary.  I was expected to get married and have children, in that order. When creativity was expressed it had to be confined to acceptable forms that adhered to the expectations of the institutions.  

When the Creative Core is wounded a plethora of trauma is experienced.  That trauma translates to rejection, feeling unwanted, fear of authority, fear of your parents, fear of being unloved, and more.  These fears and feelings become emotional states and created patterns that become our identity.  This wounding is also reflected in the wounding of the feminine and masculine aspects of who we are.

*The Wounded Creative Core is explored in more depth in the Remen Q book.

Fears

  • Fear of my own creative abilities
  • Fear of your sexuality
  • Fear of your body
  • Fear of rules
  • Fear of breaking the rules
  • Fear of authority
  • Fear of standing up for what you believe
  • Fear of feeling
  • Fear of having your creativity seen
  • Fear of having my creativity questioned
  • Fear of being diminished
  • Fear of judgment
  • Fear of being forced to give up creative efforts
  • Fear of not being able to defend my creativity
  • Fear of not being able to follow through with my creative ideas
  • Fear I am going the wrong way
  • Fear of having my creativity destroyed
  • Fear of having my ideas stolen
  • Fear of being destroyed by criticism
  • Fear of being shamed / humiliated for my creativity
  • Fear of being ridiculed
  • Fear of being vulnerable and open
  • Fear of being seen