• Fear that they will never be free to have a life without hurt/ stress
  • Fear that they will never have control of their destiny
  • Fear of life
  • Fear of being hurt
  • Fear of the crazy
  • Fear of parents
  • Fear of fear
  • Fear of being like their parents
  • Fear of acting
  • Fear of making choices
  • Fear of connecting
  • Fear of leaving
  • Fear of letting go
  • Fear of being like others
  • Fear of loving themselves
  • Fear of change
  • Fear of intimacy
  • Fear of fun and joy
  • Fear of the truth
  • Fear of knowing

Emotional States

  • Adult children of alcoholics guess at normal (functional) behavior.
  • Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
  • Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
  • Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.
  • Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun.
  • Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.
  • Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships.
  • Adult children of alcoholics overreact to changes over which they have no control.
  • Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation.
  • Adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different from other people.
  • Adult children of alcoholics are super responsible or super irresponsible.
  • Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal.
  • Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsiveness leads to confusion.
  • Adult Children of Alcoholics may be passive in the face of life’s challenges.

Cross Indexing: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Addictions, Sexual Abuse, Thymus Problems, Temple pain/pressure, Adrenal Fatigue, Thyroid problems, Pancreas Problems, Liver Problems

Repeated Patterns: out of balance, lack of confidence, unconnected to self, feels unsafe being heard breathing, cannot be themselves, when a project is complete they feel unsafe, cannot be themselves, cannot feel safe when seen, feels unworthy, cannot breathe and be safe, cannot nurture self, change is difficult, does not know how to feel complete with something, does not know how to cooperate, cannot cry and feel safe, feels undeserving, cannot express anger safely, cannot express emotions safely, feels unsafe while being still, feels unsafe with others, does not know how to have fun and avoids it, does not get what they want and does not know how to get what they want, does not choose happiness, does not have inner peace, does not know joy, is not kind to themselves, does not know what they are feeling, plays the victim, plays the martyr, constantly embarrassed by family, lives in constant crisis, lives constantly on high-alert, feels like a loser, constantly having to keep the secrets, feels humiliation, lives in shame, does not love themselves,  cannot make a mistake and feel safe, does not know how to feel safe, does not know how to say no, does not know how to tell the truth, does not know what truth is, does not trust their inner voice, does not trust.

Created Patterns

  1. I can’t stand still and be safe.
  2. I am never safe.
  3. I must always be doing something.
  4. The only time I am safe is when I am alone.
  5. I don’t know what it is to feel emotions.
  6. When people are angry I will be hurt.
  7. I can’t feel emotions and be safe.
  8. I fear my anger.
  9. I can’t control myself when angry.
  10. I can’t express emotions and be safe.
  11. I can’t cry and be safe.
  12. It is dangerous to feel.
  13. I must be silent and strong.
  14. I must always have a smile on my face.
  15. I’m not in charge of my thoughts and feelings.
  16. I am invisible.
  17. I am helpless.
  18. I must stay busy so I don’t feel.
  19. I must be perfect to be safe.
  20. I must be perfect to be loved.
  21. I don’t know what it feels like to have fun.
  22. I am angry at the world (The anger may be at specific individuals).
  23. I don’t know what it feels like to love myself.
  24. I don’t know what it feels like to be kind to myself.
  25. I am a procrastinator.
  26. I can’t finish anything.
  27. Promises are lies.
  28. I don’t know how to solve problems.
  29. I don’t know how to finish a project.
  30. I don’t know what it feels like to solve problems.
  31. I don’t know how to cooperate with people.
  32. I can’t focus on one thing at a time.
  33. I don’t know what structure feels like.
  34. I don’t have boundaries around my time.
  35. When I don’t finish things I am not safe.
  36. I am a loser.
  37. I am a goof off.
  38. I am no good for nothing.
  39. I can’t survive in unfamiliar circumstances.
  40. I must say what people want me to say to be safe.
  41. I must do what people want me to do to be safe.
  42. I must do what my parent says to survive.
  43. I hate my parent (You may not be ready to forgive.)
  44. I don’t know what truth feels like.
  45. I don’t know what honesty feels like.
  46. I don’t understand what it is to tell the truth.
  47. I don’t understand what it feels like to be honest.
  48. I don’t know what truth is.
  49. I don’t know what honesty is.
  50. I don’t know when to tell the truth.
  51. I don’t know when to be honest.
  52. I don’t know what it feels like to be safe.
  53. I will die if I am honest.
  54. I don’t know what it is to be honest.
  55. I don’t know what it is to be honest with my feelings.
  56. If I am honest people won’t show their true feelings.
  57. I won’t be loved if I am honest.
  58. I can’t be honest and be safe.
  59. I’m not safe dealing with the unfamiliar.
  60. I can’t say no when someone say’s ‘I love you’.
  61. I’m not responsible.
  62. I will do anything to be loved.
  63. I can’t speak my truth and be safe.
  64. I can’t speak honestly and be safe.
  65. I won’t be loved if I speak my truth.
  66. I’m not good enough.
  67. If you can’t do it perfectly don’t do it at all.
  68. I must be perfect.
  69. I caused my parent to be an alcoholic.
  70. If I am not perfect then I must be punished.
  71. If I am not perfect I am guilty.
  72. I don’t believe in myself.
  73. I can’t accept compliments.
  74. I can’t receive nice things from others.
  75. I can’t make mistakes and be safe.
  76. I can’t do anything right.
  77. I am to blame for everything.
  78. No matter how hard I try I will never win.
  79. I am a mistake.
  80. I must judge myself.
  81. I must judge everything I do.
  82. I am at fault for everything.
  83. I am always wrong.
  84. I don’t know what it feels like to have fun.
  85. I don’t know how to have fun.
  86. I don’t know how to be spontaneous.
  87. I can’t have fun and be safe.
  88. I don’t know how to play.
  89. It isn’t safe to be spontaneous.
  90. I can’t ever show I am happy.
  91. I am my job.
  92. I can’t separate myself from my job.
  93. Having fun is dangerous.
  94. I must always be on guard.
  95. To have fun is to be vulnerable.
  96. I don’t know what it feels like to let down my guard.
  97. It is dangerous to let down my guard.
  98. I am embarrassed by my family.
  99. I must keep outsiders away so that they will not know the truth.
  100. I don’t know what it feels like to have an appropriate healthy relationship with others.
  101. Love is pain.
  102. I must protect others from the truth.
  103. I am invisible.
  104. I’m not lovable.
  105. I don’t know who to trust.
  106. I don’t know how to trust.
  107. I am always in danger.
  108. I am powerless.
  109. I must give away my power to be loved.
  110. I don’t love me.
  111. I’m not worthy.
  112. I hate/was betrayed/am angry at mother/ father/ creator.
  113. The creator/ Father/ Mother abandoned me.
  114. I have no boundaries around my personal space.
  115. I don’t know what it feels like to have boundaries around my personal space.
  116. People who love me will hurt me.
  117. All people leave me.
  118. I will do anything to keep a relationship.
  119. I constantly need approval to be loved.
  120. I take care of others to be loved.
  121. I can’t rely on other people.
  122. I must do everything myself to be safe.
  123. If I don’t control everything bad things will happen.
  124. Controlling everything keeps me safe.
  125. Nothing I do is ever enough.
  126. I feel sorry for myself.
  127. Things would be better if I were not here.
  128. I must be perfect to be loved.
  129. I am always in the way.
  130. I must be good to be love.
  131. I must earn my right to be loved.
  132. I must always say yes.
  133. I am worthless.
  134. I must work harder than everyone else around me.
  135. I must do things to be special.
  136. I must be special to be loved.
  137. I don’t belong.
  138. I am alone.
  139. No one understands me.
  140. I must give away myself to be loved.
  141. I must give things to people to be loved.
  142. I am not accepted for who I am.
  143. It’s a mistake I was born.
  144. I will never fit in.
  145. I am guilty for everything.
  146. I live in a fantasy world to survive.
  147. I am afraid of people.
  148. I am responsible for the world.
  149. I carry the burden of ____________ (family member).
  150. I must take care of ____________ (family member).
  151. If I cause trouble someone will love me.
  152. I can’t do things right.
  153. I mess up to get attention.
  154. I must do more and more to be loved.
  155. I do more than everyone else so I will be loved.
  156. I don’t know how to say no.
  157. I am insecure.
  158. I am always in trouble.
  159. I must hide my feelings.
  160. Feelings are dangerous.
  161. I must not ask.
  162. I must not tell.
  163. I must not feel.
  164. I am ashamed.
  165. No one must ever know.
  166. I must hide my shame.
  167. I must protect the family secrets at all costs.
  168. The family is sacred.
  169. I must protect my mother from the outside world.
  170. I must protect my father from the outside world.
  171. I must lie to cover up what is going on at home.
  172. It is OK to treat me poorly.
  173. Change is hard.
  174. I can’t make changes easily.
  175. It is OK to live in constant crisis.
  176. I can’t have what I want when I want it.
  177. I don’t understand the possible consequences of my behavior.
  178. I can’t plan for the things I want in life.
  179. I’ll never have what I want.
  180. I can only see in the moment.
  181. I can’t be patient with others.
  182. I’m not patient with myself.
  183. I discourage easily.
  184. It’s hopeless.
  185. I can’t change things.
  186. It’s no use.
  187. Things will never be better.
  188. It’s dangerous to try and change things.
  189. ___________ humiliated me.
  190. ___________ hurt me.
  191. Being happy is selfish.
  192. Change is dangerous.
  193. Having a life purpose isn’t safe.
  194. I am a disappointment.
  195. I am always a disappointment.
  196. I am ashamed of myself.
  197. I am disappointed.
  198. I am disconnected from myself.
  199. I am going to die.
  200. I am humiliated.
  201. I am punished for being happy.
  202. I am shamed.
  203. I am shamed.
  204. I can’t be myself.
  205. I don’t know me.
  206. I don’t know what my authentic self is.
  207. I don’t know what my life is.
  208. I don’t realize my own success.
  209. I have a broken heart.
  210. I must do for others before I do for myself.
  211. I must set high standards.
  212. I will die if things change.
  213. I will make a big mistake if I trust myself.
  214. I’m not believed.
  215. I’m not confident in myself.
  216. I’m not proud of my own success.
  217. If I listen to my inner voice I will be humiliated.
  218. If I listen to my inner voice I will be shamed.
  219. If I listen to my inner voice I will lose everything.
  220. If I listen to my inner voice they will hurt me.
  221. If I make a mistake I end up in jail.
  222. If I make a mistake I will be humiliated.
  223. If I make a mistake I will be shamed.
  224. If I make a mistake I will end up broke.
  225. If I make a mistake I will end up crazy.
  226. If I make a mistake they will lock me up.
  227. If I trust my inner voice I will die.
  228. If I were myself I would be confused.
  229. If no one believes me I will be punished/ beaten.
  230. It’s not safe to live my life.
  231. Living my life purpose is selfish.
  232. My feelings are wrong.
  233. People that love me humiliate me
  234. When I am happy I am guilty.
  235. When I am happy I’m not wanted / loved.
  236. If I cry I will be hurt.
  237. Change is dangerous.
  238. You must not look at things too closely.
  239. It is dangerous to ‘see’.
  240. I will be hurt if I see.
  241. Crying is a waste of time.
  242. Crying is for babies.
  243. I can only survive if I don’t see.
  244. I can’t let them/him/her know I saw.
  245. I must not see to hide the truth.
  246. The eyes are the windows of the soul.
  247. If someone looks me in the eyes they will know (what truth are you hiding?).


  • Balance
  • Be confident when making a decision
  • Be connected to myself
  • Be heard breathing and be safe
  • Be myself
  • Be safe when a project is finished
  • Be visible and safe
  • Being worthy
  • Breathe and be safe
  • Caring to myself
  • Change with ease and grace
  • Complete
  • Cooperate
  • Creator’s definition and perspective of love
  • Creator’s definition and perspective of perfect
  • Cry and be safe
  • Deserve
  • Express anger safely
  • Express emotions safely
  • Feel safe while being still
  • Feel safe with others
  • Feel safe with your emotions
  • Fun
  • Getting what you want
  • Happiness
  • Inner peace
  • Joy
  • Kind to myself
  • Know what I am truly feeling
  • Live being good enough
  • Live without being a martyr
  • Live without being a victim
  • Live without being embarrassed by your family
  • Live without constant crisis
  • Live without constantly being on high-alert
  • Live without feeling like a loser
  • Live without having to keep the secrets
  • Live without humiliation
  • Live without shame
  • Love myself
  • Make a promise and keep it
  • Make changes in my life and be safe
  • Make mistakes and be safe
  • Responsible
  • Safe
  • Say no
  • Solve problems
  • Spontaneous
  • Structure
  • Tell the truth
  • Think for myself
  • To be honest
  • To be honest and be safe
  • To finish a project
  • To know truth when you hear it
  • Trust
  • Trust my inner voice
  • Trust myself
  • When it is appropriate to tell the truth

*Look at themes of  workaholics, abandonment, abuse, acceptance, acknowledgement, anger, anxiety, approval, attention, authenticity, beingness, boundaries, burn out, calm, childhood, communication, confidence, control, denial, disassociation, failure, finishing things, freedom, grief, happiness, harmony, home, honesty, identity, intimacy, inner child, innocence, Joy, loving yourself, overwhelm, peace, punishment, relationships, self-esteem, self knowledge, self-love, self respect, self worth, sexual abuse, shame, speaking up, stability, trust, victimhood, addiction, unmet needs (love, affection, attention, recognition, approval, belonging, being a child),   broken heart, denial, disconnection, feelings, joy, physical abuse, power, rejection, sexual abuse, truth, stress